POLITICIAN PIMPS PROSTITUTES

Everyone agrees that politics is a form of prostitution. A candidate sells himself in exchange for power, redeemed in many instances for money. It's not very often that we have a politician who actually dabbles in the prostitution business.

Andhaka Agerwal, a businessman, is running for city commissioner. 

Agerwal, who owns several hotels, is the proprietor of La Colonial, a flophouse caddy-corner from El Jardin on the corner of Levee and 12th. Since the conflagration at the Economico, the majority of the streetwalkers are escorting their johns to La Colonial. In a front window of his establishment Agerwal is offering hourly rates.

"I overheard one of our county leaders inquiring about a 15-minute rate," laughed Don Pedro. "But that's historic downtown for you. Since its founding in 1848, Brownsville has been renown for its booze and broads. Agerwal is promoting a much-loved tradition in our community.

"I congratulate him on restoring Brownsville's reputation as the New Orleans of the Rio Grande. You can't have a legitimate French Quarter without a few putas. We have the cheapest in the world. At $25 for a fuck or a suck, you can't beat those rates!"

Polls show Agerwal the underdog in the race.

"We call A.A. the swami," says Chandresekhara Davakarani, The McHale Report's expert on all matters Indian. "He is a Pisacha. These are descendants of demons who are malevolent and roguish. Don't be surprised if you find A.A. haunting a cemetery or living in a tree. True Pisachas subsist on animal blood. They also have a penchant for corpses. When they can't find trees, they dwell in dead bodies."

"Somebody has to do Agerwal's work," offered Don Pedro in defense of the underdog. "If it weren't for prostitutes, most of my friends would be stuck in miserable marriages. Brownsville could use a few more hedonistic Hindus."