ESTANISLAO CONTRERAS

"Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss, my psychiatrist, wanted me to take the anti-depressant Effexor to survive this transitional period in the wake of my divorce from Kali and the separation from my daughter Michelle," said Estanislao Contreras.

"I said no. I decided that I needed to take control of my life and accept that my ex-wife preferred fucking a pendejo to me," continued the writer. "When I worked for the Brownsville Herald, Oscar Del Castillo was the longtime editor of the Spanish section. He was an ex-boxer who in his seventies retained his compact body.

"I will never forget his strategy when he was dealing with difficult challenges: 'If I'm not feeling well mentally or physically, I run a quarter mile as fast as I can. If I'm standing at the end of my sprint, I know that there is nothing wrong with me.' I have taken his advice to heart. I am exercising as much as three hours a day."

Still seething despite his best efforts to calm his nerves, Contreras sent this e-mail to his ex:

"I thought briefly about a custody battle, particularly when you accused me of adultery. I counter-sued with the same charge. Your lawyer must have advised you that the pot calling the kettle black might undermine your credibility with the judge and you quickly, and I might add embarrassingly, dropped the accusation.

"Ultimately, I decided against a custody fight because it would have cost too much and I didn't have a chance in hell of winning. You are a good mother. You're just not a soccer mom. You can't be bothered with our daughter's extracurricular activities. Even though I pay for everything, you are too lazy to drive her to her practices. I considered the custody battle because I knew that Michelle would not realize her potential with you.

"I am an athlete. I understand the importance of a 24/7 commitment, but since you have driven me out of the house and made performing for your new lovers your 24/7 commitment, Michelle falls by the wayside like a used condom.

"The beautiful flower that is Michelle wilts under you. She is a natural golfer and a gifted swimmer, but you can't find the time to take her to the range or the pool even though I pay for everything. You are too spent after your furtive rendezvous.

"You made the decision that you could live without me. As you told me so eloquently, 'I need somebody else's hard cock in my hot cunt.' As you were opening your legs to your amigos con derechos, you didn't care less that you were closing Michelle's opportunities.

"I have never adored a woman like I have adored you, but I have never abhorred a woman like I abhor you. I ask but one favor: Please don't kiss our innocent child when you have sperm dripping from your mouth after you have given one of your lover's a blow job."