HERALD, KENNEY PART WAYS

A waiter pounded at Joe Kenney's office door.

"There's a chick going bonkers on the deck."

The Cobbleheads owner leapt from his chair and rushed outside. A woman was standing at her table pulling out her hair.

"I'm Becky Buck from The Brownsville Herald and I'm here to critique your restaurant and a fucking duck just shit in my guacamole," she screamed.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Kenney. "Our ducks don't shit on the deck, let alone on somebody's plate."

Buck was shaking with rage.

"I saw it with my own eyes," she continued. "A fucking duck shit in my guacamole. Look for yourself. The guacamole is brown."

Kenney stole a quick glance.

"Guacamole turns brown on its own," he explained. "It might be a little bit old, but there's no shit."

Buck picked up the plate and hurled it into the resaca.

"Now I know why they call you The Irish Prick," she wailed. "I wouldn't recommend reading the newspaper."

Kenney stuck his face in his accuser's face like a manager arguing an umpire's call.

"And now I know why they call you a fat bitch!" he spit. "You probably shit in the guacamole. As to worrying about your opinion regarding my restaurant, I don't read your piece of shit newspaper. I don't even wipe my ass with it. When I want to know the truth about Brownsville, I read the bloggers. Get the fuck out of here before I shit on you."