"I NEVER EAT PUSSY!"

Estanislao Contreras and Jack O'Connell sat in the latter's balcony toking on a joint and imbibing wine when Contreras blurted this confession: "I never eat pussy!"

O'Connell almost choked on his Malbec.

"Then how do you satisfy a woman?" he asked.

"You don't have to eat a chick's pussy in order to satisfy her," argued Contreras. "I know numerous positions and these fingers are incredibly adept at tickling a clit. You know how much I hate shaking hands. There's something about sticking my tongue in a pussy that makes me physically ill."

"We share contrary perspectives on this subject," said O'Connell. "My dick doesn't get hard until I've licked those labials. Nothing drives me crazier than eating my wife when she's on the rag and I've dumped a quart of cum in her. I bury my mouth in her reeking mud puddle and don't stop slurping until I'm bloated from her juices. I'm a swine in a pig sty. Afterwards, I collapse on my back and burp the flavors. They range from chocolate to barbecue."

Contreras swallowed painfully.

"You are one sick motherfucker," asserted the distinguished poet.