SATAN

Satan, like he appeared to Jesus in the desert, appeared to me a few nights ago. I was camping solo along the abandoned beaches of South Padre Island. I sat on the beach and stared at a full moon. I thought it was the coyotes in the dunes, but I listened carefully and distinguished Satan's high-pitched voice. He slithered toward me, offering me knowledge without requesting my soul in return.

"Whatever question springs into your mind, you will have an immediate answer," he grinned. "Think of all the money you could make."

I could use the cash. There are many things I would rather be doing, like learning French in Paris or Portuguese in Rio de Janiero.

"I would know the point spread on the Dallas games?"

"You got it," he said, trying to conceal his excitement. I was thinking of my three sons and things we could do and the trips we could make..."Shit! I'll know the date of their deaths!!!"

I could never live with that knowledge and would beg Satan to deliver me from a fate worse than hell. I pulled down my pants and drowned the son-of-a-bitch in piss. He disappeared with a hiss. Ignorance is bliss.