TITS

Brownsville's Historic Downtown District Director will do anything to promote downtown. His latest strategy, however, has his critics crying for his termination. The mayor, who has been threatening to fire the city manager and his assistant without success for months, may find some satisfaction for his blood lust in the bureaucrat's demise.

As usual The Brownsville Herald is not reporting on the controversy, but the director is publishing posters of attractive, topless women with this motto: Downtown: El Pasado Es El Futuro.

"Brownsville has a thriving prostitution business downtown and I thought we should promote this positive along with all our other assets," said the director as he puffed ferociously on one cigarette after another. "Both the past and the future are connected like a pair of fine boobs. I believe that we're sending the right message: Downtown Brownsville is a sexy place."

The bishop is leading a Democratic counterattack. The mayor, a prude in his public life but a pervert privately, is at the vanguard of the Catholic crusade. He says nobody advised the bishop of the director's decision. He added that if he didn't know better, he would argue that the director was a bad man.

"Beginning with the Immaculate Conception Cathedral, we should be featuring our historical buildings," said the mayor whose poll numbers have plummeted. "I find scrutinizing one of the Fernandez buildings much more exciting than staring at a nude broad."

Insiders at City Hall are speculating that the mayor may exploit this opportunity to cut both the city manager and his assistant loose. In his opinion the buck stops with this pair. According to his detractors, the mayor is grasping for any opportunity to hire a distant relative as city manager.

"I like the tits approach," offered Maclovio O'Malley. "Downtown Brownsville is beautiful. If it were a woman, you would want to make love to it. Our prostitutes are a fair substitute. As Don Pedro says: 'They cost you a lot less than a wife and they always give you pussy.'"

"I second the new strategy," added Estanislao Contreras. "We need to put Brownsville on the map. If it takes a pair of boobs to accomplish that task, you can put me on the bandwagon."