DON PEDRO

I'm sitting at The Sportsman with a hot prostitute and a cold beer. Why do I call her hot? Because she fucks me for free. She respects her elders. When worse comes to worse, she gives me a senior discount.

Who is the mayor plundering today? I was going to use "fucking," but plundering evokes "raping," which I don't want to associate with the positive image I have of "fucking."

As to plundering: Who is the hermaphrodite county judge plundering today? Who is the university president buttfucking today. I mean plundering today? Who is the superintendent plundering today since her fucking days are obviously over? Who is Trump plundering today? Or who isn't Trump plundering today?

We know who The Brownsville Herald is plundering today. The newspaper is plundering its readers by writing about the mayor, the county judge, the university president, the superintendent and the President's contributions to our community.

Who am I plundering today? I am plundering no one. I am fucking today. I am going to escort Veronica to my favorite room at the Cameron Hotel and fuck her until her scabs run with pus. Then I'm going to slurp her pussy with my tongue until I have licked her cunt clean of both infection and my erection.

I wish I were a more honorable person, but I'm just a nasty old man.