SANTA CLAUS

I was going through my son's backpack when he visited me after school. I found this letter that infuriated me. He had been associating with a kid whose father had been transferred from New York to manage a maquiladora. I called the parent and he told me that kids will be kids. I told him that our children were supposed to be protected from this crap in schools. The letter read:

"You must be surprised that I'm writing you today right after Christmas, Santa. I would like to take this opportunity to clarify a few things that have occurred throughout the year. You will recall that I had asked you for a new bicycle, an electric train, a pair of roller blades and a football uniform.

"You know that I'm not lying to you, Santa, when I remind you that I have been the best this past year. Not only did I study harder and come out the best in my class, but I was kind and helpful to old folks and was running errands for them. I was also well-behaved and respectful of my parents, brothers and sisters. I tried really hard, Santa."

The letter picked up steam:

"What a pair of balls you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a piece of shit whistle and a stinking baseball cap. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat fuck? What am I, a sucker, you worthless rat? I work my fucking ass off all fucking year for those little pieces of shit, you son of a bitch. If you didn't fuck me enough already, you gave that little prick next door so many fucking toys that he can't fucking walk into his fucking house, you cocksucker.

"Next year please don't let me see you trying to fit your big, fucking ass down my chimney because I'll be waiting for you, you punk motherfucker. I'm going to shoot your fucking reindeer and blow up your damn sled, you fucking asshole, so you have to walk all the way fucking back to the North Pole, just like I have to walk everywhere because you wouldn't get me a bike, you turd. Fuck you, motherfucker! You better watch your fucking back, fatso."