THE MAYOR

There is much debate over the erection of a statue honoring the mayor. There is unanimous consent that it should be built downtown. Brownsville's most fervent Catholics believe it should be raised next to the monument dedicated to the Oblate priests in the Immaculate Conception Cathedral courtyard.

There is a block that wants the statue constructed in Hope Park behind the fence protecting the United States from the hordes of raping Mexicans who want to pollute this great nation's Aryan blood and mongrelize the white race. For those who can leap the barrier and escape los rinches, the mayor will serve as an inspiration to all Hispanics who can elude the law and become the law.

Estanislao Contreras insists that a statue would be more appropriate in Market Square to commemorate the prostitutes who sashay around the historic block.

"The man is a whore," says Contreras. "He is worse than La Virgen de Guadalupe. She tells the poor that they will be rewarded in heaven and to accept their fate that the rich will be rewarded on earth but will pay later. Sure!!!"

There will be no statue of the statue in front of the Central Fire Station. The firemen despise him for proving that in his heart of hearts he is a Republican and not a Democrat by denying them raises. The truth of the matter, the mayor feels uncomfortable unless he is in the company of millionaires.

Said a friend of the firemen: "If the mayor's hemorrhoids were turning his asshole into the portals of hell, they wouldn't hose him down. They would stick the hose up his anus."

Perhaps a statue of the mayor straddling a donkey--in honor of his Democratic roots--in Washington Park among the memorials to Jose Marti, Miguel Hidalgo and Jefferson Davis would be more appropriate.

Or perhaps his disillusioned followers should bury a cross on a pile of horseshit with this epitaph: "Here lie the buried hopes of a people who followed another false prophet into the pits of perdition."