STATE SENATOR EDDIE PALACIOS SR.

There is nothing worse than a crooked politician using the mainstream press for free advertising to crow about his commitment to Christ. State Senator Eddie Palacios Sr. was at his hypocritical best when he exploited the easily bought Brownsville Herald to blaspheme with his biblical bullshit.

"I am a person who is passionate about my church and my faith," began Palacios who perfected the lie by improving his lie on the golf course during his youth. "Religion is a well of hope and strength for me, a plain on which I am both challenged and reassured."

We hadn't noticed, but is Palacios running for President in the Iowa caucuses? It seems the born-again fanatics don't care if you're a sinner as long as you're willing to equate Barack Obama with Lucifer. How many times has Donald Trump married and cheated on his wives? How many billions has he pocketed fronting for mobs throughout the world? There is no doubt that Palacios would spend more time in the confessional than Trump with the money that he has finagled from individuals and organizations.

We know that Palacios' father has departed this orb--may he rest in peace--pero Eddie no tiene madre, tampoco? Palacios, disguised Democrat/closet Republican, will say anything to promote his cause. He believes that his words suffice to erase his deeds. Make no mistake: They have worked on his behalf financially.

"To me as a lawmaker, biblical stories form something of a lens through which I try to find focus when making public policy," continued Palacios as the cathedral roof groaned and threatened to crash down on the Cameron County Democrats gathered to listen to Palacios preach from the pulpit.

We generally read the St. James version of the bible out of our love for Shakespeare. What version is Palacios reading? Is there something in Genesis that inspired him to pilfer thousands from foreign teachers and nurses with his work contracts? Was there a verse in Deuteronomy that inspired him to conspire with other political crooks to clip the taxpayers for millions to buy a worthless building? In which chapter of Leviticus did he find God's inspiration to dupe taxpayers for $21 million on a bridge to nowhere?

Stop it, Eddie! No more. Who are you trying to deceive? Yourself? Your family? Your friends? Your blind followers? Or do you figure that the ignorant masses will drop to their knees and wash your feet because you boast about your Christianity? You give the faith a bad name.

When the Spaniards were torturing an Incan chief because he wouldn't reveal the location of more gold and silver, a priest stepped forward and informed the victim that if he would accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, the conquistadores would put him out of his misery by immediately executing him and ushering him into an eternity of bliss in heaven.

"Are there Spaniards in this heaven of yours?" asked the chief.

"Of course," responded the priest.

"Then I don't want to go there," replied the Indian.

Why would anyone participate in the Christianity that Palacios practices? He has become wealthy at the expense of his constituents. His own people are more impoverished and more ignorant than at any time in history.

"I consider it my duty as a Christian lawmaker to work for public policies that uphold the dignity of working families," thundered Palacios as the statues teetered on their pedestals and the candles suddenly extinguished themselves as a hot wind blew through the nave.

"Sunday is a time for spiritual contemplation," ranted this most materialistic of individuals in his editorial. His mansion, his cars, his ostentatious suits are irrefutable evidence that he worships the Golden Calf. "Christ's lowly station--born in a manger to migrant parents--has given poverty a noble dignity in our culture."

Palacios, to prove that he figuratively swims the river every day, has reduced Joseph and Mary to a pair of braceros. As bad as it is to leave interpreting the bible in the hands of the priests and the preachers, God forbid when the politicians grab hold of the Holy Scripture and employ the prose and poetry for their own propaganda.

But Palacios will not be stopped. He conceives of himself as a contemporary Jesus rendering a story that mimicked a parable from the New Testament.

"I can vividly remember my father grilling in the front yard," related Palacios in his best impression of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John. "Back then we lived near the local unemployment office. As my father cooked, people would walk by and savor the scent of a family meal in the making. Knowing that they had fallen on hard times, my father would offer them food. Many accepted his offer gratefully. However, in a household of 12, there was not a unlimited supply of food. 'What about us?' my siblings and I protested. 'Tell your mother to cook more beans' was my father's response."

Great anecdote, but is it apocryphal, carefully crafted to brainwash the lemmings? Once Palacios starts, he can't stop. In a homily that would cause the bishop to blush with embarrassment, Palacios called Jesus Christ his brother in his Herald epistle.

"Why doesn't he mention Judas," asked Father Jesus P. Cadissimo. "Judas Iscariot is the mythical character he most resembles except it would take more than a few pieces of silver to buy Palacios' soul. Eddie has turned into such a whore that he makes Mary Magdalene seem like a virgin by comparison."

All rhetoric aside, Palacios rules Cameron County like King Herod ruled Judea during the time of Christ. His good will is territorial. He has no qualms about chopping off the head of a modern John the Baptist spreading the dire tidings that the time has come for Palacios to repent for his many transgressions. Palacios has convinced himself that he is God. With his many sycophants and informants, he is omnipotent and omniscient. Like God, he has given South Texas his only begotten son whom he expects to succeed him when the father deems that the time is right.

"I take my bible straight," spat Father Cadissimo. "I don't need Palacios or any of the other losers to twist God's message for their benefit. I'd suggest that Palacios return to his bible and peruse Isaiah 59:2: 'But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear.'

"But from my fellow priests who have heard his confessions they have shared with me when we've had too much to drink, our hero subscribes to another Isaiah verse that he finds more to his liking: 'And there is no other God besides Me, a just God and Savior; there is none besides Me. Look to Me, and be saved, all you ends of the earth. For I am God, and there is no other.'"