WOMEN

We shouldn't hit anyone, but sometimes I feel like beating the shit out of a woman. They can be real bitches with their bullshit. Three days out of the month they treat you like shit. They think they can use their periods as an excuse to treat you like crap.

I know some women who are on their periods the whole goddamn month. They get under your skin with their constant complaints. I've been around some mean critters in my life, but I do believe that women are the unhappiest creatures on this planet.

I've been with women who never remember the hundred good things that I've done for them, but they never forget the one night I came home drunk at the three in the morning after I'd been playing cards with the boys.

A dumb ass like me, I never knew the meaning of hate until I fell in love. I never thought romance could lead to murder. There have been too many sleepless nights that I've spent praying to God to eliminate the latest she-wolf howling outside my door.

These days I'm more attracted to women who cause me no feelings. I fuck them and either kick them out of bed or crawl out of the sack myself. When they start shaking their booty at me to make me jealous, I tell them that a copper penny has more worth than the silver dollars in the safety deposit boxes between their legs.

I've had plenty of courtroom brawls, but I've never belted a woman. I'm a masochist, not a sadist. Instead, I get drunk and pound my head against a wall.