GOOD FRIDAY

Father Jesus P. Cadissimo, the defrocked priest who administers to the poor of Cameron Park, imparted these words of wisdom during his Sunday homily:

"A number of my parishioners have queried me about the significance of 'Good' in Good Friday. It comes from the popular expression 'good for nothin'.' The resurrection of Jesus Christ is the biggest hoax perpetrated on humanity.

"The weak and insecure believe that eternal life awaits them if they adhere to ten rules, thus having little appreciation for their existence on this planet. I hate raining on the faithful's Easter egg hunt, but there's no life after death. Who wants to live forever?

"I would feel sorry for those poor Mormon bastards. That's why they marry four or five women on this planet because they believe that they are going to be stuck with those bitches forever.

"If there is eternity, that means the rest of us are going to have an infinite number of chicks to fuck. Why do you think they call it heaven? It's nothing but a fuckfest where no hole is safe from inquiring dicks. Why do you think the Muslim fanatics are so eager to blow themselves up? They're counting on a bevy of virgins at their beck and call.

"People never fail to amuse me. They can't have enough, whether it's power or money or food or sex or whatever. They are never satisfied. While this craving is a strength, it's also a weakness. Man isn't content with his brief span of consciousness so he fabricates this elaborate myth that he has been created in the image and likeness of a god and that the glob of gook called his soul will survive forever.

"The Romans and Jews crucified a madman. Anyone who believes in the pipe dream of everlasting life is not only mad but damn ungrateful as well."