MCHALE REPORT TAKES DEEP BREATH

In the wake of The McHale Report's office being vandalized and several other technical problems, the blog's staff is functioning with a skeleton crew. The McHale Report's editors and reporters are utilizing this down period to take much needed vacations.

Editor Scott Steinbeck, whose idea of play is work, has joined Bob Rivard at the Rivard Report, San Antonio's number one blog. Rivard recruited Steinbeck, with whom he covered wars in Central America in the 1980s, for the month of June to assist him in fine-tuning his site that is competing mano-a-mano with the Express-News for the hearts and souls of the Alamo City.

Father Jesus P. Cadissimo is awaiting a hearing at the Vatican. Since his excommunication three years ago for asserting that the Brownsville diocese was not only protecting but promoting pedophile priests, he has been fighting the ruling while attending to his faithful in Cameron Park. He will receive his hearing in Rome next week.

Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss and his wife are on a two-week vacation in Italy. It is a wine-tasting excursion. Last year they visited Argentina and became honorary citizens in Mendoza as their enthusiasm for Malbec intoxicated the city's denizens.

The Baker Boys, Billy and Bobby, both divorced, are taking their young girlfriends to Costa Rica. They are seeking the cool climes of that magical country in contrast to the hot days of a romance's early days.

Max Maxwell, dean of the RGV sportswriters, is flying to California as part of a baseball fantasy. He plans to see the Padres and the Giants in their modern stadiums, the Angels and the Dodgers in their venerable venues, and the A's in the crumbling coliseum.

Annie Gunn wants to get fucked. She has had it with the Viagra-filled Mexicans and the beer-belly gringos of South Texas. She plans to go topless along the Mediterranean coasts of Spain and France with hopes that some European Don Juans will find a 40-year-old with boobs that hang to her belly attractive.

"Some 20-year-old Adonis can suck my nipples and eat my pussy at the same time," said Annie on the deck at Cobbleheads before departing. Added proprietor Joe Kenney: "She's fuckin' funny. She's going to get her brains balled out. Hell, she gets her brains balled out in Brownsville!"

Estanislao Contreras, the poet of Chicano Fuck Songs, is the featured speaker at the New Yorker's magazine summer literary celebration. Contreras' Ode to a Dead America is being compared to Walt Whitman's best poems. He is the current darling of the literati.

Jack O'Connell, the great unpublished novelist, will retire to his condo at South Padre Island and continue to write in anonymity. He insists that it is more important to have the quantity and that the quality will follow when he is discovered.

Mort Heinman, Brownsville's only uncircumcised Jew, plans an extended stay in Manhattan where he will view the museums during the day and visit the jazz clubs at night.

Justo Leyes, The McHale Report's legal expert, and Maclovio O'Malley, la Voz de los Vatos and the blog's premier stringer, are traveling to the Iberian Peninsula where over a three-week period they hope to cover much of Spain and Portugal.

"We need to recharge our engines after an eventful year," said G.F. McHale-Scully, The McHale Report's founder and publisher. "I'm hangin' out in Austin and then visiting my family in California before we start hangin' all our incompetent and corrupt politicians and leaders during the upcoming year as part of a purge of our crooked community."