FATHER JESUS P. CADISSIMO

Father Jesus P. Cadissimo, the defrocked priest who ministers to the poor of Cameron Park, has called the Catholic Church more corrupt than the Cameron County Democratic Party. He says that the number of pedophile priests who populate the ranks of the clerics would make Donald Trump seem like an altar boy. This was Cadissimo's homily delivered last Sunday on the colonia's soccer field:

"I have never understood why the anti-abortionists try to rally God to their cause. He has never had any problems destroying life, particularly the lives of babies and fetuses. It all began with the Flood when he drowned millions of children and pregnant mothers because humanity had infuriated him.

"Over the following generations he learned anger management. His ire with his ungrateful creation took a more specific turn, his next incendiary outburst the conflagration of Sodom and Gomorrah, thousands of children and pregnant women incinerated.

"When the Pharaoh refused to heed Moses' word, God came to the aide of his liberator by slaughtering untold numbers of Egypt's firstborn males.

"In the New Testament God did his best to abandon his vengeful ways by commissioning others to do his bloody work. When his son was born, he permitted King Herod to kill all the males under two in Judea. That was God's idea of transitioning from an eye for eye to turning the other cheek.

"God, who allegedly founded heaven for humanity, has sentenced most humans to hell for failing to follow his commandments. If it weren't for the aborted fetuses, there would be few beings to inhabit his celestial paradise.

"In Leviticus he explains his predicament: 'I have no use for the plants that have grown wild in my earthly fields. I have ordered my angels to cut and cast them into an everlasting fire. I will collect the seeds and sow them myself. Freed from man's perverted touch, I will tend them in my empyrean gardens.'"