DON PEDRO

I am not going to deny anything. I was nabbed behind the Half Moon Saloon toking on a joint with my musician buddies Doc Scully and "Delta" Dave. As Willie Nelson said, "I'm an old man and I've earned the right to smoke marijuana wherever I please!"

We live in a repressive society controlled by Biblical maniacs as fanatical as any Islamic suicide bomber who wants to impose his morality upon the rest of us. If beer is harmless, then "mota" is arguably healthy.

I'm not worried. Justo Leyes has assured me that the D.A.'s office will dismiss my case. The D.A. is more interested in bringing the ex-fire chief to justice for backstabbing his fellow firefighters.

I have some concerns about my position with The Brownsville Herald, but I'm confident management will regard the matter lightly. The publisher has a much-deserved reputation for being uptight, but I'm sure he inhaled Mary Jane before ambition led him astray.

In terms of the editorial staff, every decent reporter is a pot head. When my stash is low, one of them supplies me.

The drugs laws are ridiculous. We only make the criminals rich and powerful. People like their dope and nothing is going to change that. I've relished getting high while I've wandered downtown streets before stepping into a dive to see if any of the young things was displaying her wares.

I only wish the police would do a better job rounding up the transvestites. I hate sticking my hand into a pretty bitch's panties and discovering a bastard's prick. Such is life when you weren't destined for a monogamous existence.