JUSTO LEYES

Justo Leyes, The McHale Report's legal expert, took a few moments from his busy day to express a pet peeve:

"Brownsville needs more Anglos to impose English on the local inhabitants. If leaders don't impose their culture on the community, Brownsville will become indistinguishable from Matamoros.

"I studied English at the Shakespeare Academy in Guadalajara. The Jesuits were in charge of the school and demanded English at all times. They thrashed any student who spoke Spanish. During my first year my knuckles were beaten raw by the priests. Each time I uttered, "No entiendo," they would whack me again.

"When I would return home from my regular tannings and complain to my parents, my father would unbuckle his belt and whip me until he raised welts on the backs of my thighs. By the end of the first grade, I had memorized a dozen sonnets and could quote passages from Hamlet and a number of other plays.

"When I hear lifelong Brownsville residents speaking Spanish, I pity these individuals because they didn't have the Jesuits patrolling their playgrounds punishing transgressors.

"Fortunately, Brownsville has its cultural police. As long as we have a few Anglos imposing their wisdom on the ignorant masses, we can call ourselves a part of the United States of America."