BILLY BAKER RECALLS GOOD OL' DAYS

The Baker Boys, the famed investigative team, insist that the public is looking for the mayor in all the wrong places.

"The mayor hasn't disappeared," said Billy, the more talkative of the Baker twins. "It's just that he's never here. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the port director and his commissioners have journeyed to Asia on one of their semi-annual junkets with the mayor leading the delegation.

"The taxpayers will cover the expenses for this exotic voyage. You don't think that these successful businessmen would spend their own money to travel 10,000 miles for a full-body massage!?!

"I remember when our past congressman and our deceased port director were making monthly visits to China. The Chinese reportedly were going to unload cargo in southern Mexico, transport the goods to Brownsville via a superhighway--specifically constructed to assist the contrabandistas move their drugs north--and then export their merchandise to Europe via the port.

"We believed our congressman and port director until their $21 million scam to build a non-existent bridge from Brownsville to Matamoros exposed them as con artists.

"The voters threw our congressman to the dogs and our port director in a hole, but Brownsville politicians never change. They have a fanatical attachment to corruption. Muslim and Christian madmen are motivated by a higher calling. Easy money is the religion of our leadership."