EXTINCTION STALKS JAGUARUNDIS!!!

As the Rio Grande's population proliferates promiscuously, more and more animal species disappear. Jaguarundis are the latest victims. The mainstream presses has stated emphatically on numerous occasions that the small, unattractive cat is almost extinct in this region.  Most critics are blaming the developers for the feline's evanescence.

"I don't doubt for a second that they are responsible for this tragedy," said Glen Forrest, a naturalist. "Wherever they see brushland, they envision a subdivision. They are promoting the accelerating growth that is wiping out the animal's habitat."

"If they don't give a damn about their fellow citizens except to exploit them through the utility company to underwrite their infrastructure costs and hoodwink them on scandals by dramatically increasing utility rates, they aren't going to give a rat's ass about a ugly, gray cat," added a university botanist.

"These people have a despicable reputation for decimating our democratic institutions," continued Forrest. "It doesn't surprise me in the least that the developers are the culprits in the jaguarundi's extermination."